A good song

I really love this song. I don't know that I've ever identified more with a song so obscure.

I'm putting the lyrics here, but the lyrics are only so beautiful if the music is with it, so I encourage anyone reading this to find the song and listen.

I'm not sure I know exactly what Justin Vernon was intending but I do know that the lyrics reflect my thoughts many times when I learn something new and difficult about Jesus Christ, and am brought to a fork in the road of real belief or hypocricy. Will I refuse the freedom of His redemption, or will I know real love?

I fight with the choice to continue carrying my load or "unstack".

A lot of times, I find because of my sin, mistakes, and failures "all my money gone, and I'm drunk as hell" (no, I've never in life been drunk as hell). At these times I cannot find what I had always believed, and the black crow taunts me in what I think are losses. The effects of "stacking" become evident.

The song ends with a renewal of belief and resolve of love in "unstacking your load".
Praise Jesus for imagery.

"Stacks" by Bon Iver

This my excavation and today is kumran
Everything that happens is from now on
This is pouring rain. This is paralyzed

I keep throwing it down two-hundred at a time
It's hard to find it when you knew it
When your money's gone
And you're drunk as hell

On your back with your racks as the stacks as your load
In the back and the racks and the stacks are your load
In the back with your racks and you're un-stacking your load

I've twisting to the sun I needed to replace
The fountain in the front yard is rusted out
All my love was down In a frozen ground

There's a black crow sitting across from me; his wiry legs are crossed
And he's dangling my keys he even fakes a toss
Whatever could it be That has brought me to this loss?

On your back with your racks as the stacks as your load
In the back and the racks and the stacks of your load
In the back with your racks and you're un-stacking your load

This is not the sound of a new man or crispy realization
It's the sound of the unlocking and the lift away
Your love will be Safe with me

recurring post

About once every 3 months, I think I write about the same thing. Essentially how I attempt to find satisfaction in things here on earth, but don't. And then the realization that the reason is because true fulfillment is not offered here. It is offered only in the full presence of Jesus Christ, and the complete eradication of sin.

There are many things in the last week that I've been disappointed about. One is the wilderness. How I LOVE the outdoors. How I LOVE to travel and discover things in nature. To feel the elements. To breathe the air. To hear a roaring stream pouring over boulders.

The Smokey Mountains are among the most beautiful I've ever witnessed. I spent the weekend renewing my Wilderness First Responder Certification. 70 degress in the mountains of East TN is like heaven. But not quite enough like it, I have found.

I remember having this talk with my bro once. And I think somewhere in there he quoted C.S. Lewis. Perhaps it was the Weight of Glory. I remember almost crying because the words rang so true. And now I feel the same. I walk in the midst of a forrest so tall. A breeze so perfectly soft. The smell of the air so fresh. The sounds almost silent. But no matter how beautiful. No matter how great the experience. It is not enough. The problem lies within me. I want so badly to be a part of that beauty. To go deeper and deeper into it. To immerse myself in it. To speak the language of nature which points so directly to its Creator. But I do not find a home even there. So I explore more. I walk farther. I learn more. I run faster. I climb higher. I travel deeper. I think more. And still. Whatever I am looking for in it alludes me. I cannot grasp it. I cannot take it in completely. It cannot take me in completely.

There is joy, but it is a joy of missing. It is a snapshot of home, but home is still a journey away. It's the same with awakening. I open my eyes from a dream. The visions of a house I grew up in, family surrounding me, the feeling of someone reaching out to me. Not only to touch me, but somehow entering my very gut and placing in it peace and rest and joy and resolve. Permanence. Freedom. But I awake. To things that are almost enough. But aren't.
This is called my Longing for Home. Which I'm sure I have titled several blogs before. It never leaves. Sometimes it is a happy longing, and sometimes it is bitter. But always it does the trick in reminding me that the presence of Jesus Christ is what I am after.

The Blue Tones

Well, I named this blog Blue Tones, simply because I love the color blue in all its shades. Not because I want to write about sad things. There is something deep and beautiful about it. I love colors because they really cannot be described. Blue is Blue. It's different from any other color. And it's my favorite. But they day would come when I would get the blues, and that day is today.

So my mama's sick. Has been for a couple weeks straight. Could be serious - could not be. We'll find out more Monday. She has had a really rough go of it this year.

January 08 began with Grandma almost dying. Then Grandpa did die. Then came a bunch of bull with the IRS that was between them and my brother and I - but mom had to deal with it. ALL YEAR LONG. It recently ended with my mom indebted 10,000.00.

So my mom hasn't had it easy. And she's taken it well. But it's taking it's toll.

She called crying yesterday and I simply couldn't find the words to offer her hope. I know it's there, but I didn't know what to say. I couldn't really tell her it would get better. I couldn't really say anything encouraging. My only response was to cry too.

The reality of my belief becomes obvious in trials. My belief in a Gospel that requires our suffering becomes difficult to preach to someone else, when I've had it fairly easy. And it becomes even more difficult to preach when I don't think it's fair.

So I now see it time to shut my mouth. To seek humility. To be faced with the things I think we all deserve and crucify them. To take on the life of Christ and believe that ALL THINGS come from a good and just God who is the essence of love. - Who in his death, provided for our greatest need and in that provides for our every need. I write these things to tell myself the truth.

I go now, to seek a change of heart.

2009

My prayer for the new year.

It is my prayer that this year would be my most productive year for the Kingdom of Jesus. I know that it is up to the Lord to decide what productive looks like, however, I want to live this year in submission to my Lord. In service to others. I wish for my goals to be focused on the Gospel. I want to see a sharp line dividing my ideals and the mandates of God's word. I want to take the opportunities to preach the Gospel to the nations, and create opportunities where they aren't already for love, compassion, and truth to win out.

I think I will be met with obstacles. Obstacles of my own selfish dreams.

So I ask you my friends to pray with me this year that I would grow in grace and humility, in obedience, and love for the Word of God and that I would grow in prayer. That I would be slower to speak of silly nonsense, and quick to listen to others and to the voice of the dear Lord.

The Gerasene Demoniac

I'm deeply enjoying reading Mark. The proof of Jesus' authority as God is so blatant. So fulfilling to my but weak intellect.

The story of the Gerasene Demoniac (Mark 5) has always intrigued me, but for the past week, I read and reread it, and can't get enough.

So it appears that while "THEY" (the disciples' boat as well as others) had been sailing to Gerasene, Jesus himself is the only one to step out of the boat, for obvious reasons. This guy is a nut. A dangerous nut. Ain't nobody gonna try to take him on.... except Jesus.

The man lived in the tombs. naked. He could not be bound with CHAINS because he broke them. He screamed and gashed himself with stones. This man was in horrendous torment.

This story brings about many questions in my mind.
Question 1:

How does a person allow unclean spirits to enter them?

v. 9 says the name was Legion because there were many spirits. Enough to "fill" a heard of 2000 swine. How does a person allow, not only one but 2 thousand unclean spirits? Who gives the permission for this to happen?

Jetting back to v. 7, the unclean spirits speak

"What business do we have with each other, Jesus, Son of the Most High God? I implore you by God, do not torment me?"

Question 2:

What does Legion mean by "I implore you BY GOD?" Is he asking permission from the Father at that point?

Question 3: Legion is asking (v. 10) not to be sent out of the country. What country? What does this mean?

So after all these questions arise, (anyone please feel free to give me your insight on this stuff.), what happens to the man is beautiful.

It's apparent that when the disciples and other boatloads of people saw what had happened, they felt it safe to get a closer look. They found that the man was clothed. Jesus restored his dignity. They found him conversing with Jesus. Man, I wonder what they were saying! I mean, what would you say to someone who rescued you from years of self-inflicted torment and shame?

What DO we say to someone who has rescued us from years of self-inflicted torment and shame?

We say, with the restored man, "please don't leave our presence, Jesus!" "Let us go everywhere with You!"

Advent 2008

I am overwhelmed tonight by the Advent Season. So many years, it has passed by me, but not tonight.

I am consumed with a desire for our coming King. I am happy to be here in this place between His first coming which fulfilled every prophecy, every promise made of Him, and His second coming – which I wait for with eager and assured hope.

I think of the nation of Israel, their oppression, their wandering, their realization that they are not yet what they long to be. And THEN – their Messiah. He really did come. Though many did not see or understand, He in all truth, came for the redemption of His people whom He would call His own.

I am happy tonight to be here in eager expectation of His coming, knowing that He has once, and a thousand times over kept His promise.

I am happy to look back on the last 10 years of my life and realize where I would be without the love and company of my dear Lord.

I am happy to know that this hole in my heart that can only be filled by the full presence of the Lord, will one day be sealed up in His coming.

My sin creeps up on my so quickly, - I long for the day when I will see clearly, my Lord face to face.

Praise be to Jesus. May we your people be driven by your promise to come and restore our very beings to unity with You. May we case ourselves away from our comfort and consumption of the things of this world.

Lord Jesus, we simply cannot wait much longer for the consumation of a full union with You. Come quickly, and sustain us until that day. We wait with Joy and promise.

4 things

1. I am sickened today by manipulation and dishonesty I see all around me.

2. that must mean I have a truckload of the same stored up in my heart.

3. time to get down to business.

4. thanks be to God.