I thought it would be a good time to give an update about this topic. I cannot just let everyone think that the Dark Night story has ended. More, I can't let everyone think that the Dark Night story will end badly. I cannot let anyone think that I'm in this Dark Night Time for any reason that might sound noble.... nor really to be punished for any one mistake.
I write from a tunnel in which I can see nothing make sense circumstantially. I have had several darn good plans for my life in the past, and probably will keep making them. And then watch the Good Lord bring them to a halt. Right now, I can only see that there is one way to go, and it's through this tunnel. I came here kicking and screaming, but I would have gone anywhere the same way. Because that's what I did. I handled my urgencies by breaking out. Only to find I had broken into another tunnel.
For no other reason except by the Lord's mercy, I stopped beating at the sides of the wall. I started looking around. I have stopped making things happen for me, in hopes of dissolving some of this vicious self-will. I am understanding repentance. I am practicing perserverance. And I am daily submitting to the Lord Jesus. It's about to drive me crazy. But maybe it'll kill that part of me that loves only myself.
Some things I still question:
1) Ministry. I fight with this tension to join a full-time ministry. I want to badly. But doors keep shutting. Am I shutting these doors, or is it just not time?
2) Submission: We discussed "gender roles" at community group tonight. Mainly, how to be good wives and husbands. The question remains... who and what do single girls submitt to?
3) Freedom: Thus far, death to self has not brought freedom and peace in my soul as I would have thought. Only anxt and tension. I see good fruit from it, though and have no intention of giving up.
For anyone who experiences rough spiritual confusion, Do not think that the Dark Night Times are bad for you. They drive you to the feet of Jesus almost continually. And don't take pride in them. Pride takes you away from the feet of Jesus. And don't write blogs about them. It depresses people.
Tuesday, December 04, 2007
Friday, November 16, 2007
my camera drowned
well, i had this really nice weekend with my friends Patty and Jordanne from MCC. They were in L-ville last weekend. I will describe it.
The weather was 65 degrees. The autumn leaves abundant. They fill even the downtown.
We took a lovely walk around the park, frolicing in the autumness. We laughed for like an hour straight at high school memories. Jordanne took us to this quaint Bosnian resteraunt
and we later had coffee at a child-friendly coffeehouse.
The next day I went to an orchard out in the country with a large group of friends here from CP (the camp we worked at this summer).
As I was entering the ladies restroom, removing that cursed thing we call a purse from my shoulder, my old beat-up camera slipped oh so sweetly out of its containment into yes, the toilet. That was the end of both the pictures that would accompany this blog, and my out of date camera. Not to mention the brand new batteries I had put into it just that day.
imagine a picture of us here.
The weather was 65 degrees. The autumn leaves abundant. They fill even the downtown.
another picture
We took a lovely walk around the park, frolicing in the autumness. We laughed for like an hour straight at high school memories. Jordanne took us to this quaint Bosnian resteraunt
A really cute picture here.
and we later had coffee at a child-friendly coffeehouse.
The next day I went to an orchard out in the country with a large group of friends here from CP (the camp we worked at this summer).
pictures and videos here.
As I was entering the ladies restroom, removing that cursed thing we call a purse from my shoulder, my old beat-up camera slipped oh so sweetly out of its containment into yes, the toilet. That was the end of both the pictures that would accompany this blog, and my out of date camera. Not to mention the brand new batteries I had put into it just that day.
I did not digitally capture this story, but it's true.
no more pictures.
Monday, October 29, 2007
Pics and life in the VILLE.
Stepharoo looks more princess-like than haloweenish.
Last Weekend we went to THE park. Cherokee park is the essence of autumn in Kentucky.
Me and Rebecca at the haloween party. It was a dancin' blast.
These are just a few glimpses of what's going on here. I have a few goals for this year. Things that are keeping me here. 1) I am committed to my girls. They are lovely. There is no one I'd rather share this big old beautiful house with. I guess that's not really a goal. But I have a lease. 2) I'm starting a new job on Monday as a Pharmacy Technician. Just about as far away as you can get from the outdoor discipleship setting where I.... hope I'm still headed. This will help pay the bills and give me health insurance. 3) I'm taking Naturalist classes at a beautiful local Conservatory. These are free and will lead probably to little more than volunteering, but will build on some dreams that were stirred up at NOLS.
The vision of the church I attend is right in line with the Kingdom of God: In the City for the City, Gospel Transformation being the key. I hope to find a way to plug in with my all here in Louisville this year.... and then return to Manhattan. Is it possible? We'll see what God does.
I am happy for a still small voice I'm beginning to hear lurring me to a deeper place with Jesus.
This is, in short what is happening in my life in Louisville.
Call me sometime friends. Your friendship means the world to me.
Call me sometime friends. Your friendship means the world to me.
Sunday, October 21, 2007
Pumpkin Porch Picture Day
Today Otter (Rebecca's Dog) and I went for a walk and we saw many pumpkins on the porches of our street. Autumn is lovely in KY. Here is a sample.
Sunday, September 30, 2007
A RANDOM MIRACLE!!!!
Here's what happened tonight!
I got back from church with my roomates and realized my phone was missing. So we called my phone. A random girl kept answering with loud music playing in the background. Rebecca and I drove to our church and kept calling the whole way. The girl continued to answer but kept hanging up. When we arrived at the church we realized that no one was there, so we drove back home.
On the way, the girl with my phone called us on Rebecca's phone. She was obviously a teenager who had found my phone at the public library that day and was texting all her friends now. I was getting angry because I thought I was never going to see my phone again. I mentioned that I wasn't being very Christian as I kept praying to Jesus that He would help me find my phone.
So we got back to my house and parked in front of the neighbor's house like we always do. We waved to the neighbors we hadn't gotten the nerve to meet yet as Rebecca was calling one last time before we gave up. I saw a teenage girl on the porch answer a phone in her hand and the echo of the hello rang in Rebecca's phone. I jumped out and exclaimed "you have my phone!!!!" In between extreme happiness and annoyance, I got out "THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR FINDING MY PHONE!!!!" And "Next time you find someone's phone, tell them where you're at so they can find it"! I found out the young girl's name and told her mine. She was completely flabbergasted and slowly wandered back into her house after handing me the phone. Poor girl.
Imagine that! MY next door neighbor had found MY phone at the Public Library in Louisville, KY. I ran over again to her house and met her father. We exclaimed about God's goodness together and I told him he had a good girl and to tell her thank you again.
Who are the characters in the story? A naughty little teenage girl, and an unChristian acting sales associate. Who is the hero? The Lord Jesus.
Love you, God.
I got back from church with my roomates and realized my phone was missing. So we called my phone. A random girl kept answering with loud music playing in the background. Rebecca and I drove to our church and kept calling the whole way. The girl continued to answer but kept hanging up. When we arrived at the church we realized that no one was there, so we drove back home.
On the way, the girl with my phone called us on Rebecca's phone. She was obviously a teenager who had found my phone at the public library that day and was texting all her friends now. I was getting angry because I thought I was never going to see my phone again. I mentioned that I wasn't being very Christian as I kept praying to Jesus that He would help me find my phone.
So we got back to my house and parked in front of the neighbor's house like we always do. We waved to the neighbors we hadn't gotten the nerve to meet yet as Rebecca was calling one last time before we gave up. I saw a teenage girl on the porch answer a phone in her hand and the echo of the hello rang in Rebecca's phone. I jumped out and exclaimed "you have my phone!!!!" In between extreme happiness and annoyance, I got out "THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR FINDING MY PHONE!!!!" And "Next time you find someone's phone, tell them where you're at so they can find it"! I found out the young girl's name and told her mine. She was completely flabbergasted and slowly wandered back into her house after handing me the phone. Poor girl.
Imagine that! MY next door neighbor had found MY phone at the Public Library in Louisville, KY. I ran over again to her house and met her father. We exclaimed about God's goodness together and I told him he had a good girl and to tell her thank you again.
Who are the characters in the story? A naughty little teenage girl, and an unChristian acting sales associate. Who is the hero? The Lord Jesus.
Love you, God.
Saturday, September 22, 2007
A Dark Night Time
Well, I pretty much hate Louisville, KY right now. (I'm a bit too honest maybe). I don't know why I came here or where I could've gone otherwise. But here's where I am. I'm in this weird big city just tryin' to make a buck to live on. This is a far cry from where I imagined I'd be 10 years ago. I'm incapable of doing the things I dream, and bored with what I can handle. I'm afraid to commit to service to others and fed up with living for myself. I'm lonely without community, but glad I don't affect them or infect them with this negativity. I'm too old and out of options to be trained for anything new, but not good enough at anything to be good for anything. But it's not Louisville, KY. It's the girl who lives here that's the problem. And it's probably a good idea for me to learn how to be a blessing to this place rather than adding to its problems.
I work with Bobby, a bright 17 year old with his life ahead of him. He's thinking about moving out and being independent. Bobby has already been disillusioned by the church (what's new). Bobby has decided he's just gonna live a good life because he's offended by the idea of hell. And knows he can't beat it. I told Bobby that Jesus exemplified all that God is to us so that we could be assured that we can't beat hell. But that then He used his own blood to make us right with God. Bobby didn't really care. Nobody really does, it seems.
I read this article on Mother Theresa in Time Magazine. It talked about how these secret letters revealed that for the last 50 years of her life (that's half her life) she didn't feel close to God. But she was very persistent in serving the poorest of the poor till the very end. This makes me think that persistent faithfulness is more important than how we feel about it. It wasn't feeling close to God that kept her in his service. Sometimes I wonder what it was. Maybe it was the dear Lord Himself who sustained her for 50 years when she didn't even know it. It seems like it sure would make Christianity more attractive, and maybe more believable if Mother Theresa and I were a little less depressed about it, though. But if it's comparable at all, Mother Theresa had a bit more to be depressed about than I do.
I work with Bobby, a bright 17 year old with his life ahead of him. He's thinking about moving out and being independent. Bobby has already been disillusioned by the church (what's new). Bobby has decided he's just gonna live a good life because he's offended by the idea of hell. And knows he can't beat it. I told Bobby that Jesus exemplified all that God is to us so that we could be assured that we can't beat hell. But that then He used his own blood to make us right with God. Bobby didn't really care. Nobody really does, it seems.
I read this article on Mother Theresa in Time Magazine. It talked about how these secret letters revealed that for the last 50 years of her life (that's half her life) she didn't feel close to God. But she was very persistent in serving the poorest of the poor till the very end. This makes me think that persistent faithfulness is more important than how we feel about it. It wasn't feeling close to God that kept her in his service. Sometimes I wonder what it was. Maybe it was the dear Lord Himself who sustained her for 50 years when she didn't even know it. It seems like it sure would make Christianity more attractive, and maybe more believable if Mother Theresa and I were a little less depressed about it, though. But if it's comparable at all, Mother Theresa had a bit more to be depressed about than I do.
Monday, September 10, 2007
The Battle to Trust
To trust the Lord: is it about the most difficult thing to do sometimes? I say yes. I come up with a lot of reasons to question whether the Lord is trustworthy. Now, I know that He is. I have always known that He is. But the part of me that likes to see the proof, will take anything I think might be evidence against His good nature.
I've been pelted with this nagging feeling that I can't trust the Lord through many circumstances throughout life. But most recently one story keeps coming to my mind. As all kayakers know, you get tipped over. You just do. If you get in a kayak on whitewater for any length of time, you get tipped over. You pull your little wet skirt off and swim up out of it. Well I was in a kayak for 9 days straight this spring without going under. I thought, "evie, you're good" or just darn lucky. Or maybe I thought I had some special angelic protection around me because I deserved it because I refer to myself as a child of God. While everyone else was bumping around upside down in their little boats, I floated through the toughest of waters without a hitch..... until the day I didn't.
Just like everyone else, the rip roaring waves tossed my little boat over and there I was under the water with my 50 pound boat on top of me. Now we had all been taught the specific procedure of pulling your little lever and swimming safely up, but either the water pushed me back so I couldn't reach it, or I just plain panicked and couldn't find it. Whatever the case, I thought it was the end of little ol' me. I remember thinking, "I need air". "oh... this is it. the end" This is where I will instinctively take a breath only to gasp in a bunch of water and sputter up to heaven" Thrashing about, still unable to find the pull, my skirt popped off, and I swam up. The Lord saved my life. I was under deep water and the Lord saved my life. I was going to drown, and I wasn't saving myself. It was an obvious act of the Lord's mercy. I see that clearly until I forget it.
Days come when I wonder if God has a purpose for my life. Like today. I have a choice. 1. to believe that God put me under water, or 2. to remember that it was He who pulled me out. If He did both, He still pulled me out when I didn't have a chance otherwise.
Psalm 18:16
He sent from on high, He took me; He drew me out of many waters. He delivered me from my enemy, And from those who hated me, for they were too mighty for me. They confronted me in the day of my calamity. But the Lord was my stay. He brought me forth also into a broad place; He rescued me, because He delighted in me.
The theme of the last 10 years or so of my life story has been that the Lord is the Good One. At times I like to think of myself as the main character. But let's be realistic here. the Lord God is the one who is Good.
I've been pelted with this nagging feeling that I can't trust the Lord through many circumstances throughout life. But most recently one story keeps coming to my mind. As all kayakers know, you get tipped over. You just do. If you get in a kayak on whitewater for any length of time, you get tipped over. You pull your little wet skirt off and swim up out of it. Well I was in a kayak for 9 days straight this spring without going under. I thought, "evie, you're good" or just darn lucky. Or maybe I thought I had some special angelic protection around me because I deserved it because I refer to myself as a child of God. While everyone else was bumping around upside down in their little boats, I floated through the toughest of waters without a hitch..... until the day I didn't.
Just like everyone else, the rip roaring waves tossed my little boat over and there I was under the water with my 50 pound boat on top of me. Now we had all been taught the specific procedure of pulling your little lever and swimming safely up, but either the water pushed me back so I couldn't reach it, or I just plain panicked and couldn't find it. Whatever the case, I thought it was the end of little ol' me. I remember thinking, "I need air". "oh... this is it. the end" This is where I will instinctively take a breath only to gasp in a bunch of water and sputter up to heaven" Thrashing about, still unable to find the pull, my skirt popped off, and I swam up. The Lord saved my life. I was under deep water and the Lord saved my life. I was going to drown, and I wasn't saving myself. It was an obvious act of the Lord's mercy. I see that clearly until I forget it.
Days come when I wonder if God has a purpose for my life. Like today. I have a choice. 1. to believe that God put me under water, or 2. to remember that it was He who pulled me out. If He did both, He still pulled me out when I didn't have a chance otherwise.
Psalm 18:16
He sent from on high, He took me; He drew me out of many waters. He delivered me from my enemy, And from those who hated me, for they were too mighty for me. They confronted me in the day of my calamity. But the Lord was my stay. He brought me forth also into a broad place; He rescued me, because He delighted in me.
The theme of the last 10 years or so of my life story has been that the Lord is the Good One. At times I like to think of myself as the main character. But let's be realistic here. the Lord God is the one who is Good.
Saturday, January 20, 2007
Discipline of Honor
I am fighting the strange suspicion that I don't make good decisions in life. I think I have always thought this, but it seems to appear more frequently when I'm about to do some big crazy thing like move.
I was thinking about it this morning and about how I sometimes doubt whether God has a specific plan for my life. Scripture is kind of vague about it. Seemingly a bit impersonal. I know that God used for good what Joseph's brother's meant for harm, but it never says anywhere that God used for good what Evie messed up with all her screwy decisions. (if anyone has an answer for these thoughts I'd be happy to hear them)
But the good part is that God speaks through his word in the details when I can't find an answer to the biggies. In Malachi this morning, God said that He deserves honor. God said that He curses blessings if we don't take to heart the task of honoring his name.
After studying Malachi, my heart looks up. It is a discipline to honor the Lord when I feel confused and out of control. It is an act of submission to pray and adore him. But as I study his word, I realize that above all my confusion, He is right. He is good.
And even if He has to spell it out word for word to me, He deserves to be honored by my life.
I was thinking about it this morning and about how I sometimes doubt whether God has a specific plan for my life. Scripture is kind of vague about it. Seemingly a bit impersonal. I know that God used for good what Joseph's brother's meant for harm, but it never says anywhere that God used for good what Evie messed up with all her screwy decisions. (if anyone has an answer for these thoughts I'd be happy to hear them)
But the good part is that God speaks through his word in the details when I can't find an answer to the biggies. In Malachi this morning, God said that He deserves honor. God said that He curses blessings if we don't take to heart the task of honoring his name.
After studying Malachi, my heart looks up. It is a discipline to honor the Lord when I feel confused and out of control. It is an act of submission to pray and adore him. But as I study his word, I realize that above all my confusion, He is right. He is good.
And even if He has to spell it out word for word to me, He deserves to be honored by my life.
Saturday, January 13, 2007
NOLS
It's about 3 weeks until I go to Wyoming in the dead of winter for my NOLS course. (That's National Outdoor Leadership School). I'm gonna go learn about winter camping and skiing. I'll get to wade through waist-deep water in caves and "jam my hands into granite crags" up some mountain wall. Sounds weird when I type it. Sounds pretty dumb really. I've wanted to take on this challenge for about a year now and am thrilled to get this chance. But I haven't really articulated reasons I'm going to do it. So here they are.
I feel less than useful to the world around me. Going through college was a great way to start off my adult-hood and give me some knowledge. But now I'm ready for a skill that I can do with my hands (and feet). Hopefully that will correlate with the spiritual lessons I've been taught. Perhaps I can open someone's eyes to the beauty and color of nature and the greater reality of its maker, Jesus Christ.
Maybe I can show someone how to be "led beside still waters" and "rest in green pastures"
Just maybe someone is without hope and the Lord could give them the breath of fresh air that they're looking for. I'm looking for a job somewhat too specific to find on my own. Some sort of wilderness therapy position, or wilderness discipleship community. You know, not too far from my family, in a beautiful wooded setting, with a great group of people. Who knows. (if anyone knows of one, tell me). The Lord knows.
Is there anyone else out there that feels like they're just unsettled, and yet could not succumb to the settled life if they tried? I feel like if I stayed put, I would curl up and rot away.
I've been training since August for this. I think I'm ready. But my heart is so sad to leave Manhattan. For the last couple days, everytime I see someone I know, I tear up because of the value of their friendship, and what I will be walking away from. You're probably all like, "what is wrong with that girl?" "She must have a cold or something". No, to be honest, my heart is breaking because I love you all so much. That's it.
So why am I leaving if I value my "family" so much. What am I doing with my life, if I adhere fully to the purpose of the church to which I belong? It's certainly nothing of a mission trip, or a ministerial calling.
Well, I don't know fully why I'm leaving. But I do know that I will be somewhere and not just "gone", so if any of you likes to write letters, please write to me.
Evie Krenzin
E22-SSR-2-02/07/2007
NOLS
P.O. Box 333
Lander, Wyoming, 82520
And pray that God would make my nervouse meanderings a blessing to someone, of use to His Kingdom, and out of love for Him who gave me a full life.
I feel less than useful to the world around me. Going through college was a great way to start off my adult-hood and give me some knowledge. But now I'm ready for a skill that I can do with my hands (and feet). Hopefully that will correlate with the spiritual lessons I've been taught. Perhaps I can open someone's eyes to the beauty and color of nature and the greater reality of its maker, Jesus Christ.
Maybe I can show someone how to be "led beside still waters" and "rest in green pastures"
Just maybe someone is without hope and the Lord could give them the breath of fresh air that they're looking for. I'm looking for a job somewhat too specific to find on my own. Some sort of wilderness therapy position, or wilderness discipleship community. You know, not too far from my family, in a beautiful wooded setting, with a great group of people. Who knows. (if anyone knows of one, tell me). The Lord knows.
Is there anyone else out there that feels like they're just unsettled, and yet could not succumb to the settled life if they tried? I feel like if I stayed put, I would curl up and rot away.
I've been training since August for this. I think I'm ready. But my heart is so sad to leave Manhattan. For the last couple days, everytime I see someone I know, I tear up because of the value of their friendship, and what I will be walking away from. You're probably all like, "what is wrong with that girl?" "She must have a cold or something". No, to be honest, my heart is breaking because I love you all so much. That's it.
So why am I leaving if I value my "family" so much. What am I doing with my life, if I adhere fully to the purpose of the church to which I belong? It's certainly nothing of a mission trip, or a ministerial calling.
Well, I don't know fully why I'm leaving. But I do know that I will be somewhere and not just "gone", so if any of you likes to write letters, please write to me.
Evie Krenzin
E22-SSR-2-02/07/2007
NOLS
P.O. Box 333
Lander, Wyoming, 82520
And pray that God would make my nervouse meanderings a blessing to someone, of use to His Kingdom, and out of love for Him who gave me a full life.
Saturday, January 06, 2007
Don't Read This unless you really want to know how I'm feeling
I want to post this, because this is one of the most important lessons I have learned so far. And I want people to hear this. But it will be candid. It will deal with specifics in my life. It's pretty girly and emotional.
As everyone who know me knows, my relationship with a great guy, (we'll call him Danny), ended this year. And as most breakups are, the months following have been painful and confusing, and have taught me a lot.
Looking back, I can find so many things I could have done better or different, or not at all. But it's hard to find one reason why it all ended.... other than the fact that the good Lord has the final word.
Here's the girly emotional part: You know when you hear people say, that when you have found the right person, you "just know it". Well, if anyone "just knew it", if anyone "just knew" that they had found THE ONE, I did. I felt so strongly that the Lord had matched me up with Danny. I KNEW that he was the one for me, and I was SURE that I was the one for him. It was certain.... and yet, it's over. Danny and I did not get married as we had talked about, Danny did not propose to me the way he said he would like to, and I did not wait for Danny to commit to me.
Here's the spiritual lesson I learned: So, I have been processing this for almost a year now, asking what went wrong? how can I reverse what I did, how do I let go of hopes and dreams, and most recently, how do I reconcile what I felt with what is real? And I have received answes to all these questions. (praise God)
The lesson I learned came from talking to a friend of mine. Jamie has a great girlfriend. Jamie is certain that this relationship is meant to be. He has found the one and has felt as strongly about it as I felt about Danny. But Jamie's relationship is pretty close to ending. Jamie just knows that it was meant to be, and thinks it will all be fine. For reasons that I probably shouldn't know, I know that God in his grace will not allow his relationship to continue. I know that Jamie's strong feelings do not determine his future. It doesn't matter that Jamie feels like he has secured his future with this girl, the reality is that it is simply over.
While my friendship with Danny (I believe) honored the Lord and was biblical as far as I could tell, that certain magical connection.... that very strong feeling, that certainty did not hold our relationship together.
Many verses come to mind (which I don't have references to right now :))
"A man sets his plans, but the Lord orders his steps".... "The heart is deceptive above all things".... These are verses I knew before, but am experiencing now.
I am thankful to the Lord for his mercy to guide me to places that I have not planned. Although it is hard, I am seeing the wonderful and mysterious ways that the Lord works in our lives, and a future that He has planned for me despite my meanderings through this life.
I have many friends who have tried to convert me to Calvinism (bless their little hearts). I have told them that the Lord obviously has not predetermined me to be a Calvinist.
But the mystery of how God is in control despite and through my own decisions has allowed me the freedom to trust Him more.
"Danny", if you ever stumble across this blog, thanks for the good times, and for being a huge part of the Lord's plan for my life even if it is not how I had thought.
As everyone who know me knows, my relationship with a great guy, (we'll call him Danny), ended this year. And as most breakups are, the months following have been painful and confusing, and have taught me a lot.
Looking back, I can find so many things I could have done better or different, or not at all. But it's hard to find one reason why it all ended.... other than the fact that the good Lord has the final word.
Here's the girly emotional part: You know when you hear people say, that when you have found the right person, you "just know it". Well, if anyone "just knew it", if anyone "just knew" that they had found THE ONE, I did. I felt so strongly that the Lord had matched me up with Danny. I KNEW that he was the one for me, and I was SURE that I was the one for him. It was certain.... and yet, it's over. Danny and I did not get married as we had talked about, Danny did not propose to me the way he said he would like to, and I did not wait for Danny to commit to me.
Here's the spiritual lesson I learned: So, I have been processing this for almost a year now, asking what went wrong? how can I reverse what I did, how do I let go of hopes and dreams, and most recently, how do I reconcile what I felt with what is real? And I have received answes to all these questions. (praise God)
The lesson I learned came from talking to a friend of mine. Jamie has a great girlfriend. Jamie is certain that this relationship is meant to be. He has found the one and has felt as strongly about it as I felt about Danny. But Jamie's relationship is pretty close to ending. Jamie just knows that it was meant to be, and thinks it will all be fine. For reasons that I probably shouldn't know, I know that God in his grace will not allow his relationship to continue. I know that Jamie's strong feelings do not determine his future. It doesn't matter that Jamie feels like he has secured his future with this girl, the reality is that it is simply over.
While my friendship with Danny (I believe) honored the Lord and was biblical as far as I could tell, that certain magical connection.... that very strong feeling, that certainty did not hold our relationship together.
Many verses come to mind (which I don't have references to right now :))
"A man sets his plans, but the Lord orders his steps".... "The heart is deceptive above all things".... These are verses I knew before, but am experiencing now.
I am thankful to the Lord for his mercy to guide me to places that I have not planned. Although it is hard, I am seeing the wonderful and mysterious ways that the Lord works in our lives, and a future that He has planned for me despite my meanderings through this life.
I have many friends who have tried to convert me to Calvinism (bless their little hearts). I have told them that the Lord obviously has not predetermined me to be a Calvinist.
But the mystery of how God is in control despite and through my own decisions has allowed me the freedom to trust Him more.
"Danny", if you ever stumble across this blog, thanks for the good times, and for being a huge part of the Lord's plan for my life even if it is not how I had thought.
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
Beware of Pachelbel Rant
Okay, so my last post was handed to me by my PASTOR, just to let you know. I still think it's awesome, but if you dare to watch it, beware of the last 20 seconds, when the guy gets really angry and says some unwholesome words.
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