The Battle to Trust

To trust the Lord: is it about the most difficult thing to do sometimes? I say yes. I come up with a lot of reasons to question whether the Lord is trustworthy. Now, I know that He is. I have always known that He is. But the part of me that likes to see the proof, will take anything I think might be evidence against His good nature.

I've been pelted with this nagging feeling that I can't trust the Lord through many circumstances throughout life. But most recently one story keeps coming to my mind. As all kayakers know, you get tipped over. You just do. If you get in a kayak on whitewater for any length of time, you get tipped over. You pull your little wet skirt off and swim up out of it. Well I was in a kayak for 9 days straight this spring without going under. I thought, "evie, you're good" or just darn lucky. Or maybe I thought I had some special angelic protection around me because I deserved it because I refer to myself as a child of God. While everyone else was bumping around upside down in their little boats, I floated through the toughest of waters without a hitch..... until the day I didn't.

Just like everyone else, the rip roaring waves tossed my little boat over and there I was under the water with my 50 pound boat on top of me. Now we had all been taught the specific procedure of pulling your little lever and swimming safely up, but either the water pushed me back so I couldn't reach it, or I just plain panicked and couldn't find it. Whatever the case, I thought it was the end of little ol' me. I remember thinking, "I need air". "oh... this is it. the end" This is where I will instinctively take a breath only to gasp in a bunch of water and sputter up to heaven" Thrashing about, still unable to find the pull, my skirt popped off, and I swam up. The Lord saved my life. I was under deep water and the Lord saved my life. I was going to drown, and I wasn't saving myself. It was an obvious act of the Lord's mercy. I see that clearly until I forget it.

Days come when I wonder if God has a purpose for my life. Like today. I have a choice. 1. to believe that God put me under water, or 2. to remember that it was He who pulled me out. If He did both, He still pulled me out when I didn't have a chance otherwise.

Psalm 18:16
He sent from on high, He took me; He drew me out of many waters. He delivered me from my enemy, And from those who hated me, for they were too mighty for me. They confronted me in the day of my calamity. But the Lord was my stay. He brought me forth also into a broad place; He rescued me, because He delighted in me.

The theme of the last 10 years or so of my life story has been that the Lord is the Good One. At times I like to think of myself as the main character. But let's be realistic here. the Lord God is the one who is Good.