A Dark Night Time Part II

I thought it would be a good time to give an update about this topic. I cannot just let everyone think that the Dark Night story has ended. More, I can't let everyone think that the Dark Night story will end badly. I cannot let anyone think that I'm in this Dark Night Time for any reason that might sound noble.... nor really to be punished for any one mistake.

I write from a tunnel in which I can see nothing make sense circumstantially. I have had several darn good plans for my life in the past, and probably will keep making them. And then watch the Good Lord bring them to a halt. Right now, I can only see that there is one way to go, and it's through this tunnel. I came here kicking and screaming, but I would have gone anywhere the same way. Because that's what I did. I handled my urgencies by breaking out. Only to find I had broken into another tunnel.

For no other reason except by the Lord's mercy, I stopped beating at the sides of the wall. I started looking around. I have stopped making things happen for me, in hopes of dissolving some of this vicious self-will. I am understanding repentance. I am practicing perserverance. And I am daily submitting to the Lord Jesus. It's about to drive me crazy. But maybe it'll kill that part of me that loves only myself.


Some things I still question:

1) Ministry. I fight with this tension to join a full-time ministry. I want to badly. But doors keep shutting. Am I shutting these doors, or is it just not time?

2) Submission: We discussed "gender roles" at community group tonight. Mainly, how to be good wives and husbands. The question remains... who and what do single girls submitt to?

3) Freedom: Thus far, death to self has not brought freedom and peace in my soul as I would have thought. Only anxt and tension. I see good fruit from it, though and have no intention of giving up.

For anyone who experiences rough spiritual confusion, Do not think that the Dark Night Times are bad for you. They drive you to the feet of Jesus almost continually. And don't take pride in them. Pride takes you away from the feet of Jesus. And don't write blogs about them. It depresses people.