Blue Tones

A good song

2009-02-18T16:37:00.000-08:00

I really love this song. I don't know that I've ever identified more with a song so obscure.

I'm putting the lyrics here, but the lyrics are only so beautiful if the music is with it, so I encourage anyone reading this to find the song and listen.

I'm not sure I know exactly what Justin Vernon was intending but I do know that the lyrics reflect my thoughts many times when I learn something new and difficult about Jesus Christ, and am brought to a fork in the road of real belief or hypocricy. Will I refuse the freedom of His redemption, or will I know real love?

I fight with the choice to continue carrying my load or "unstack".

A lot of times, I find because of my sin, mistakes, and failures "all my money gone, and I'm drunk as hell" (no, I've never in life been drunk as hell). At these times I cannot find what I had always believed, and the black crow taunts me in what I think are losses. The effects of "stacking" become evident.

The song ends with a renewal of belief and resolve of love in "unstacking your load".
Praise Jesus for imagery.

"Stacks" by Bon Iver

This my excavation and today is kumran
Everything that happens is from now on
This is pouring rain. This is paralyzed

I keep throwing it down two-hundred at a time
It's hard to find it when you knew it
When your money's gone
And you're drunk as hell

On your back with your racks as the stacks as your load
In the back and the racks and the stacks are your load
In the back with your racks and you're un-stacking your load

I've twisting to the sun I needed to replace
The fountain in the front yard is rusted out
All my love was down In a frozen ground

There's a black crow sitting across from me; his wiry legs are crossed
And he's dangling my keys he even fakes a toss
Whatever could it be That has brought me to this loss?

On your back with your racks as the stacks as your load
In the back and the racks and the stacks of your load
In the back with your racks and you're un-stacking your load

This is not the sound of a new man or crispy realization
It's the sound of the unlocking and the lift away
Your love will be Safe with me

recurring post

2009-02-11T18:47:00.000-08:00

About once every 3 months, I think I write about the same thing. Essentially how I attempt to find satisfaction in things here on earth, but don't. And then the realization that the reason is because true fulfillment is not offered here. It is offered only in the full presence of Jesus Christ, and the complete eradication of sin.

There are many things in the last week that I've been disappointed about. One is the wilderness. How I LOVE the outdoors. How I LOVE to travel and discover things in nature. To feel the elements. To breathe the air. To hear a roaring stream pouring over boulders.

The Smokey Mountains are among the most beautiful I've ever witnessed. I spent the weekend renewing my Wilderness First Responder Certification. 70 degress in the mountains of East TN is like heaven. But not quite enough like it, I have found.

I remember having this talk with my bro once. And I think somewhere in there he quoted C.S. Lewis. Perhaps it was the Weight of Glory. I remember almost crying because the words rang so true. And now I feel the same. I walk in the midst of a forrest so tall. A breeze so perfectly soft. The smell of the air so fresh. The sounds almost silent. But no matter how beautiful. No matter how great the experience. It is not enough. The problem lies within me. I want so badly to be a part of that beauty. To go deeper and deeper into it. To immerse myself in it. To speak the language of nature which points so directly to its Creator. But I do not find a home even there. So I explore more. I walk farther. I learn more. I run faster. I climb higher. I travel deeper. I think more. And still. Whatever I am looking for in it alludes me. I cannot grasp it. I cannot take it in completely. It cannot take me in completely.

There is joy, but it is a joy of missing. It is a snapshot of home, but home is still a journey away. It's the same with awakening. I open my eyes from a dream. The visions of a house I grew up in, family surrounding me, the feeling of someone reaching out to me. Not only to touch me, but somehow entering my very gut and placing in it peace and rest and joy and resolve. Permanence. Freedom. But I awake. To things that are almost enough. But aren't.
This is called my Longing for Home. Which I'm sure I have titled several blogs before. It never leaves. Sometimes it is a happy longing, and sometimes it is bitter. But always it does the trick in reminding me that the presence of Jesus Christ is what I am after.

The Blue Tones

2009-01-23T09:01:00.000-08:00

Well, I named this blog Blue Tones, simply because I love the color blue in all its shades. Not because I want to write about sad things. There is something deep and beautiful about it. I love colors because they really cannot be described. Blue is Blue. It's different from any other color. And it's my favorite. But they day would come when I would get the blues, and that day is today.

So my mama's sick. Has been for a couple weeks straight. Could be serious - could not be. We'll find out more Monday. She has had a really rough go of it this year.

January 08 began with Grandma almost dying. Then Grandpa did die. Then came a bunch of bull with the IRS that was between them and my brother and I - but mom had to deal with it. ALL YEAR LONG. It recently ended with my mom indebted 10,000.00.

So my mom hasn't had it easy. And she's taken it well. But it's taking it's toll.

She called crying yesterday and I simply couldn't find the words to offer her hope. I know it's there, but I didn't know what to say. I couldn't really tell her it would get better. I couldn't really say anything encouraging. My only response was to cry too.

The reality of my belief becomes obvious in trials. My belief in a Gospel that requires our suffering becomes difficult to preach to someone else, when I've had it fairly easy. And it becomes even more difficult to preach when I don't think it's fair.

So I now see it time to shut my mouth. To seek humility. To be faced with the things I think we all deserve and crucify them. To take on the life of Christ and believe that ALL THINGS come from a good and just God who is the essence of love. - Who in his death, provided for our greatest need and in that provides for our every need. I write these things to tell myself the truth.

I go now, to seek a change of heart.

2009

2009-01-13T22:54:00.001-08:00

My prayer for the new year.

It is my prayer that this year would be my most productive year for the Kingdom of Jesus. I know that it is up to the Lord to decide what productive looks like, however, I want to live this year in submission to my Lord. In service to others. I wish for my goals to be focused on the Gospel. I want to see a sharp line dividing my ideals and the mandates of God's word. I want to take the opportunities to preach the Gospel to the nations, and create opportunities where they aren't already for love, compassion, and truth to win out.

I think I will be met with obstacles. Obstacles of my own selfish dreams.

So I ask you my friends to pray with me this year that I would grow in grace and humility, in obedience, and love for the Word of God and that I would grow in prayer. That I would be slower to speak of silly nonsense, and quick to listen to others and to the voice of the dear Lord.

The Gerasene Demoniac

2008-12-19T14:39:00.000-08:00

I'm deeply enjoying reading Mark. The proof of Jesus' authority as God is so blatant. So fulfilling to my but weak intellect.

The story of the Gerasene Demoniac (Mark 5) has always intrigued me, but for the past week, I read and reread it, and can't get enough.

So it appears that while "THEY" (the disciples' boat as well as others) had been sailing to Gerasene, Jesus himself is the only one to step out of the boat, for obvious reasons. This guy is a nut. A dangerous nut. Ain't nobody gonna try to take him on.... except Jesus.

The man lived in the tombs. naked. He could not be bound with CHAINS because he broke them. He screamed and gashed himself with stones. This man was in horrendous torment.

This story brings about many questions in my mind.
Question 1:

How does a person allow unclean spirits to enter them?

v. 9 says the name was Legion because there were many spirits. Enough to "fill" a heard of 2000 swine. How does a person allow, not only one but 2 thousand unclean spirits? Who gives the permission for this to happen?

Jetting back to v. 7, the unclean spirits speak

"What business do we have with each other, Jesus, Son of the Most High God? I implore you by God, do not torment me?"

Question 2:

What does Legion mean by "I implore you BY GOD?" Is he asking permission from the Father at that point?

Question 3: Legion is asking (v. 10) not to be sent out of the country. What country? What does this mean?

So after all these questions arise, (anyone please feel free to give me your insight on this stuff.), what happens to the man is beautiful.

It's apparent that when the disciples and other boatloads of people saw what had happened, they felt it safe to get a closer look. They found that the man was clothed. Jesus restored his dignity. They found him conversing with Jesus. Man, I wonder what they were saying! I mean, what would you say to someone who rescued you from years of self-inflicted torment and shame?

What DO we say to someone who has rescued us from years of self-inflicted torment and shame?

We say, with the restored man, "please don't leave our presence, Jesus!" "Let us go everywhere with You!"

Advent 2008

2008-12-07T18:37:00.000-08:00

I am overwhelmed tonight by the Advent Season. So many years, it has passed by me, but not tonight.

I am consumed with a desire for our coming King. I am happy to be here in this place between His first coming which fulfilled every prophecy, every promise made of Him, and His second coming – which I wait for with eager and assured hope.

I think of the nation of Israel, their oppression, their wandering, their realization that they are not yet what they long to be. And THEN – their Messiah. He really did come. Though many did not see or understand, He in all truth, came for the redemption of His people whom He would call His own.

I am happy tonight to be here in eager expectation of His coming, knowing that He has once, and a thousand times over kept His promise.

I am happy to look back on the last 10 years of my life and realize where I would be without the love and company of my dear Lord.

I am happy to know that this hole in my heart that can only be filled by the full presence of the Lord, will one day be sealed up in His coming.

My sin creeps up on my so quickly, - I long for the day when I will see clearly, my Lord face to face.

Praise be to Jesus. May we your people be driven by your promise to come and restore our very beings to unity with You. May we case ourselves away from our comfort and consumption of the things of this world.

Lord Jesus, we simply cannot wait much longer for the consumation of a full union with You. Come quickly, and sustain us until that day. We wait with Joy and promise.

4 things

2008-11-30T17:34:00.000-08:00

1. I am sickened today by manipulation and dishonesty I see all around me.

2. that must mean I have a truckload of the same stored up in my heart.

3. time to get down to business.

4. thanks be to God.

Recovery of Purpose.

2008-11-23T10:56:00.000-08:00

I awoke this morning with a strange detachment. I felt alone. purposeless. empty. I thought about all the things that have in the past few days made me feel fulfilled. or the company I've been with that has kept me from aloneness. Or the things that I've been a part of that have given me a purpose. Even thoughts of them brought me no comfort.

I turned to the word of God. For as Peter said to Jesus, "Lord, where would we go? You alone have the words of eternal life".

I read Mark. In it, I saw Jesus. His actions, His words, His purpose. His company. I saw that He came to restore humanity to the Father where all these things are found. I saw that He proved well the authority He had to do this - in every situation.

I again found the purpose, the company, and the fulfillment of my life in being justified by the life and death of Jesus Christ.

I today have a renewed vision for the company, actions, and purpose in the life being lived out in me daily.

It is so distressing to realize how many different things I have been finding myself in, and then so freeing to find there is only one that is true. Praise to Jesus.

Autumn Kids

2008-11-16T12:50:00.000-08:00

a poem, maybe a hymn

2008-11-15T12:08:00.000-08:00

Come oh weary soul to Jesus
who has bid your heart renew.
Cast your sins upon the tree
where the Savior bled for you.

See the glory of the Father
shining true in sacrifice.
Join in worship pure in heart
For He has bought you at this price.

Come oh weary soul to Jesus
tired and worn amidst your strife.
Throw your rags of work aside
Give to him your very life.

For into a heart of flesh
He has meld the hardest stone.
Jesus' yoke upon your back
will but ease your heavy load.

Here see pain produce its strength
Here for fruitful ends tears fall.
As you journey without home
Find His Word appease home's call.

For the joy was set before him
to endure His piercing cross
May we just to taste his friendship
count it joy to suffer loss.

Oh what joy to be a family
Taken out of life alone
All as one in Christ we liveth
Oh what joy to be His own.

In His death, we have been buried,
In His resurrection, raised
So for now, and lasting ever
From our lives shall come forth praise.

Hello Old Friends

2008-10-30T13:02:00.000-07:00

I took a road trip to see some old friends this weekend. On the way there, after finishing the first tape of the Silmarillion, I lost my place in the tapes and turned on the radio. I heard "Love Shack" at least 3 times before arriving.

There are 4 of us girls who have a rotating letter to one another. It is a letter that somewhat models Paul's letters to his churches. They are meant to challenge one another in the faith and spur one another on. Since we all moved to different corners of the U.S. we decided to meet once a year. This was our first annual meeting. And it was magical.

Two husbands were joined in the company for some of the time.
We cooked and ate together, were outdoors, laughed more than anything, and discussed those things in our hearts which are quieted by everyday life. There is some unspoken comfort that comes from people who have known you a long time. The longer you know a person, the less need you have to impress each other. The main purpose is just to be together. In that, we are reminded of who we are and whose we are.

The Wow Riven was our bedtime story. I would like to read it again, because I was drifting in and out of sleep. But it is a beautiful portrayal of a heart broken in death in order to find the beauty of what the world ridicules. May we now awaken ourselves to the ridiculous - that which speaks more truth and bears more meaning than we can find in our worldly beautified slumber. And may the return of Christ be ever our one pursuit, giving significance to the time in which we live.

The Full Moon

2008-10-14T09:40:00.000-07:00

Few evenings are as perfect as this one.

It's October.

I stepped out onto the back porch to find friends - the kind of friends that flood you with love and affection and an outpouring of spiritual truth.
There was champagne ( is that spelled right?). Ben, your pipe was being passed around the table used and admired.
The moon was almost full, and the fire pit was stoked by Katherine's years of experience.

There are two situations which drive me to the feet of Jesus.
1) the time in which nothing is right. Everything seems to fall apart. The hopes and dreams I think are right crumble apart while I watch in confusion. These situations remind me that Christ holds all things together. And it becomes obvious that my desires and affections will be fulfilled only in the coming and worship of my dear Lord.

2) The other times are the brief moments where everything seems to fall into place. Like this evening. Hearts connect, joy is present among all. Pleasure without sin. The beauty of nature and conversation directs our attention to the creator. And I realize again that Christ holds all things together, and am joyously awaiting the time this will last forever. The curtain will be drawn and I will be shocked and surprised at how much I had been missing all along.

Praise to Jesus who will one day reign present with us fully in all His glory.

Thanks to Luke Groce for exhorting words from Colossians.

rain

2008-10-07T17:31:00.000-07:00

Today was a perfect day for rain.

My roomate and I were musing the other day the strange phenomenon that the weather of autumn somehow seems to make some of us melancholy emotional types come alive, get creative, cry a little, become nostaligic, mourn regrets....etc.

On top of feeling slightly fluish, and a bit hazy, a few tough things happened today. Not a bad enough day to make me want to dig a hole, just a day filled with the things of life. A day that reminds me of the nearness of the Lord despite the troubles of this age.

Exhausted at the realization of my inadequacy, I lay myself down for a little nap and woke up to the constant sound of rain. That which I am always so thankful for, but especially today. Because we need it here for our crops, But also because we need it as a reminder that we have not been forgotten. That our sin has been washed away in the death of Christ.

Just as I cannot summon the rain to pour down, I cannot speak the fulfillment of my desires into existence. I am wholy dependent on the dear Lord's goodness, will, and actions. He will care for me in whatever way He sees fit. My prayer is that I grow in trust that the rain will come at a perfect time to bear fruit in my life.

All praise to the Lord, Jesus Christ who has made my friendship with God possible. And thank you for the rain.

current life and future glory

2008-09-06T13:27:00.000-07:00

I've decided to stay in Louisville. About a month ago after fighting to get free from this city, I surrendered. I'm here, I'm staying put.... for this season. I first applied for a job in Canada. After months of being (almost assured) of the position, I lost. Then I applied for countless jobs back in Manhattan (including a meter reading job. What was I thinking). Nothing turned up. After a visit from my parents, I began thinking about the blessings I have here. My brother, sister-in-law, and nephew and niece, good friends, and a tremendous church that challenges me to serve and express my love of community, missions, and theology. My job is great. I work with countless internationals who are a delight to be around. All things considered, I am determined at this point not to give up on wilderness adventure dreams! But for now, life is very good. The struggle through this last lost and floundering year has only magnified the faithfulness of God and his will that I be made holy.
What a joy it is to be in the process of being conformed to His image. A painful joy at times.

I'm trying to memorize the first chapter of Romans right now. Verse 6 (I think) speaks of our call to bring about obedience to the faith among all Gentiles. Is it not one of the most humbling and honored tasks we could be given? To see to it that the faith that has been passed down to us of old be cherished and diligently obeyed. Let it be so in my life! Let it be so in your life! Let it be so among all Gentiles and all Jews! And may Jesus make his swift return that we may be found in his likeness.

Jesus, we are joyfully tired of these bodies of sin, and delight in the hope that your kingdom will reign someday.

The End of June

2008-06-29T14:04:00.001-07:00

This is a photo taken of the God's people marching around the walls of the city of Jericho. Okay. look closely and you will see the wall, the city and the people who inhabit the town. They are all too happy.

This is Gabriel. My nephew. He has stolen my heart. He is 2. His life has brought me great joy these last few months. Through potty training, bedtime rituals, and ear kisses, I can hardly stop smiling.

Gabriel knows every word to the very theological hymn, "How Firm a Foundation".

I have several favorite sayings of his.

(looking up) "I can see my soul up there. I can grab it" (grabbing at the air).

(singing to the tune of GOD IS SO GOOD) "I Love the Pope". Where did he get that?

My all time favorite, "Gabriel disobeyed Aunt Evie. But Aunt Evie disobeyed God!"

As if I needed a 2 year old to remind me of my disobedience. Sometimes I do.

I would like to talk about the sermon this morning. It was Romans 8:38.

38For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[a] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

So one reason we have been given the scriptures, is so that we can go back and remember them. Anytime we forget. Which is frequent.

Paul says, do not forget. Here. if it isn't enough that angels and demons can't separate you from God's love (if you are In Christ Jesus), I'll talk about the present circumstances. Whatever you're going through right now. Yes, it's hard, but can it separate you from God's love? NO.

Well, what about the future? What about all I fear will happen or won't happen? Paul says no. NO THING. But what about if I don't feel that way? Doesn't matter. Convince yourself otherwise. Be convinced along with Paul that it's the truth. God LOVES YOU. Why? Because of the precious death of Jesus Christ.

What about anything else you might be thinking of? Your nagging insecurities. Your lonliness. Your failures. The pressures on you? The people you're responsible for? The people you've hurt? The people who've hurt you? Rising gas prices. Your failure as a responsible adult? Your house that's too small. Your unjustified need for a bigger house. Your thoughts, Yourself. No. You cannot separate you from the love of Christ. NO THING can.

Where does that put us? In a place where we think before we feel. We feel deeply and passionately and affectionately. But we think first. We think about the truth that Jesus Christ has placed our souls in a right place. And then we challenge ourselves to see how magnificent our God is.

It was a good sermon.

Unwavering Faith

2008-04-21T07:22:00.000-07:00

We're going through Romans at church. This week we heard about Abraham's example to us of UNWAVERING faith (Romans 4). Really looking at Abraham's life and the trust he put in God of the promise to be made a father to many nations, we see several times where he WAVERED (Genesis 12-25). But as his faith fully matured, he was ready to believe, obey, and ultimately honor God whatever the cost. This is our example of unwavering faith. What I took away from this sermon, is the fact that we as Christians go through cycles of times where everything is stripped away, in order for us to look directly to God. Those good blessings that he gives us are hidden for a time, so that we may look to his face and his heart, and not at what his hands can give us. This becomes the maturing of our faith. Even though during those times, we ourselves insist that our faith is failing and decreasing.

If Abraham is considered by the greatest scriptural scholar of all time (Paul) to be our example of unwavering faith, that must mean that the maturing of our faith is a process, and that when I find my faith lacking, I must look to the heart of God and know that he is doing a good work.
I'm in a time of abundant "daylight" blessing right now. And I can see the good work that God was doing in me during the dark night. It is my challenge now, to remember and meditate on God's promises. His heart and his face.
Be encouraged if you're in a time where the promises of God seem impossible, that our certainty in the will of God is less important to him than our trust in him. That our "sight" is not a part of our faith right now. That the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ is the foundation of this faith. And that like Abraham's life, our lives exist for the glory and honor of God for generations to come, not just for ourselves.

So here's 1 Peter 3:1-8
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. In his great mercy he has given us a new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade - kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God's power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you greatly rejoice though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire - may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls.

Exerpt from a Letter to a Fellow Barista

2008-04-15T12:55:00.000-07:00

Work's going good. I LOVE IT. I think I like it way better than anyone else who's there. But nevertheless, I love it. I love being a barista. I don't know why, but I think it's the best day job anyone could ever have.

I mean, you start everyone's day off. You have the potential to start their day off really good. You get to make cool things with milk and fruit and coffee, and laugh at people for paying WAY too much for it. And you get to listen to rad music all day and dance to it if you want, all in the name of enthusiasm. You get to rush around like a chicken with its head cut off. It's so fun.

And have you ever realized how COOL people think it is to be a Barista. I mean, it's glorified food service, but deep down, people really respect you! They look up to you. They say things like "man, I could never remember the names of all those drinks". And you laugh inside because you know that they're doctors and lawyers and stock brokers and they really COULD remember the names of all those drinks if they didn't have anything better to do than get a job at Starbucks. But, when they take that long-awaited gulp of their daily drug, in their eyes, you see a dependence, a deep gratitude for the person who ever so skillfully heats their milk and sloshes a little coffee in it. Throw a grid of carmel on top, and you're an "angel" or a "sweetheart" or "THE BEST". People marvel at the delicacy. But have you ever really tasted a latte and thought "that's good"? Blah. Disgusting.

But friend, if the world wants their latte, the world will HAVE their latte. If the world wants to pay 5 dollars a day for it, to keep me and you alive, then let them! And let them make up silly little nicknames for their favorite coffee friends. "I drink a decaf grande 3/4 Soy, 1/4 skim 2 pump sugar free toasted tonail no foam your mom's extra hot and skinny latte. But only Evie can make mine right". Yes, people can be silly sometimes, but I love the customers. They are the essence of the job. The people you serve are always the ones you fall in love with. And I LOVE SERVING COFFEE. At Starbucks, At the Bistro in Kansas, ... wherever it is.
I LOVE it. People around the globe take pride and joy in their jobs. Coffee Jobs are the same. People LOVE to make coffee.

Better Times

2008-01-13T07:04:00.000-08:00

Well, a lot has happened since I last wrote. I have a new job and my brother and his family moved to town. It's amazing how much difference a couple of circumstances can make in my outlook on life. I think the Dark Night Time is over.

A Dark Night Time Part II

2007-12-04T19:27:00.000-08:00

I thought it would be a good time to give an update about this topic. I cannot just let everyone think that the Dark Night story has ended. More, I can't let everyone think that the Dark Night story will end badly. I cannot let anyone think that I'm in this Dark Night Time for any reason that might sound noble.... nor really to be punished for any one mistake.

I write from a tunnel in which I can see nothing make sense circumstantially. I have had several darn good plans for my life in the past, and probably will keep making them. And then watch the Good Lord bring them to a halt. Right now, I can only see that there is one way to go, and it's through this tunnel. I came here kicking and screaming, but I would have gone anywhere the same way. Because that's what I did. I handled my urgencies by breaking out. Only to find I had broken into another tunnel.

For no other reason except by the Lord's mercy, I stopped beating at the sides of the wall. I started looking around. I have stopped making things happen for me, in hopes of dissolving some of this vicious self-will. I am understanding repentance. I am practicing perserverance. And I am daily submitting to the Lord Jesus. It's about to drive me crazy. But maybe it'll kill that part of me that loves only myself.

Some things I still question:

1) Ministry. I fight with this tension to join a full-time ministry. I want to badly. But doors keep shutting. Am I shutting these doors, or is it just not time?

2) Submission: We discussed "gender roles" at community group tonight. Mainly, how to be good wives and husbands. The question remains... who and what do single girls submitt to?

3) Freedom: Thus far, death to self has not brought freedom and peace in my soul as I would have thought. Only anxt and tension. I see good fruit from it, though and have no intention of giving up.

For anyone who experiences rough spiritual confusion, Do not think that the Dark Night Times are bad for you. They drive you to the feet of Jesus almost continually. And don't take pride in them. Pride takes you away from the feet of Jesus. And don't write blogs about them. It depresses people.

my camera drowned

2007-11-16T15:49:00.000-08:00

well, i had this really nice weekend with my friends Patty and Jordanne from MCC. They were in L-ville last weekend. I will describe it.

imagine a picture of us here.

The weather was 65 degrees. The autumn leaves abundant. They fill even the downtown.

another picture

We took a lovely walk around the park, frolicing in the autumness. We laughed for like an hour straight at high school memories. Jordanne took us to this quaint Bosnian resteraunt

A really cute picture here.

and we later had coffee at a child-friendly coffeehouse.
The next day I went to an orchard out in the country with a large group of friends here from CP (the camp we worked at this summer).

pictures and videos here.

As I was entering the ladies restroom, removing that cursed thing we call a purse from my shoulder, my old beat-up camera slipped oh so sweetly out of its containment into yes, the toilet. That was the end of both the pictures that would accompany this blog, and my out of date camera. Not to mention the brand new batteries I had put into it just that day.

I did not digitally capture this story, but it's true.

no more pictures.

Pics and life in the VILLE.

2007-10-29T18:18:00.000-07:00

Stepharoo looks more princess-like than haloweenish.

Last Weekend we went to THE park. Cherokee park is the essence of autumn in Kentucky.

Me and Rebecca at the haloween party. It was a dancin' blast.

These are just a few glimpses of what's going on here. I have a few goals for this year. Things that are keeping me here. 1) I am committed to my girls. They are lovely. There is no one I'd rather share this big old beautiful house with. I guess that's not really a goal. But I have a lease. 2) I'm starting a new job on Monday as a Pharmacy Technician. Just about as far away as you can get from the outdoor discipleship setting where I.... hope I'm still headed. This will help pay the bills and give me health insurance. 3) I'm taking Naturalist classes at a beautiful local Conservatory. These are free and will lead probably to little more than volunteering, but will build on some dreams that were stirred up at NOLS.

The vision of the church I attend is right in line with the Kingdom of God: In the City for the City, Gospel Transformation being the key. I hope to find a way to plug in with my all here in Louisville this year.... and then return to Manhattan. Is it possible? We'll see what God does.

I am happy for a still small voice I'm beginning to hear lurring me to a deeper place with Jesus.

This is, in short what is happening in my life in Louisville.
Call me sometime friends. Your friendship means the world to me.

Pumpkin Porch Picture Day

2007-10-21T08:27:00.000-07:00

Today Otter (Rebecca's Dog) and I went for a walk and we saw many pumpkins on the porches of our street. Autumn is lovely in KY. Here is a sample.

A RANDOM MIRACLE!!!!

2007-09-30T17:12:00.000-07:00

Here's what happened tonight!

I got back from church with my roomates and realized my phone was missing. So we called my phone. A random girl kept answering with loud music playing in the background. Rebecca and I drove to our church and kept calling the whole way. The girl continued to answer but kept hanging up. When we arrived at the church we realized that no one was there, so we drove back home.

On the way, the girl with my phone called us on Rebecca's phone. She was obviously a teenager who had found my phone at the public library that day and was texting all her friends now. I was getting angry because I thought I was never going to see my phone again. I mentioned that I wasn't being very Christian as I kept praying to Jesus that He would help me find my phone.

So we got back to my house and parked in front of the neighbor's house like we always do. We waved to the neighbors we hadn't gotten the nerve to meet yet as Rebecca was calling one last time before we gave up. I saw a teenage girl on the porch answer a phone in her hand and the echo of the hello rang in Rebecca's phone. I jumped out and exclaimed "you have my phone!!!!" In between extreme happiness and annoyance, I got out "THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR FINDING MY PHONE!!!!" And "Next time you find someone's phone, tell them where you're at so they can find it"! I found out the young girl's name and told her mine. She was completely flabbergasted and slowly wandered back into her house after handing me the phone. Poor girl.

Imagine that! MY next door neighbor had found MY phone at the Public Library in Louisville, KY. I ran over again to her house and met her father. We exclaimed about God's goodness together and I told him he had a good girl and to tell her thank you again.

Who are the characters in the story? A naughty little teenage girl, and an unChristian acting sales associate. Who is the hero? The Lord Jesus.
Love you, God.

A Dark Night Time

2007-09-22T19:57:00.000-07:00

Well, I pretty much hate Louisville, KY right now. (I'm a bit too honest maybe). I don't know why I came here or where I could've gone otherwise. But here's where I am. I'm in this weird big city just tryin' to make a buck to live on. This is a far cry from where I imagined I'd be 10 years ago. I'm incapable of doing the things I dream, and bored with what I can handle. I'm afraid to commit to service to others and fed up with living for myself. I'm lonely without community, but glad I don't affect them or infect them with this negativity. I'm too old and out of options to be trained for anything new, but not good enough at anything to be good for anything. But it's not Louisville, KY. It's the girl who lives here that's the problem. And it's probably a good idea for me to learn how to be a blessing to this place rather than adding to its problems.

I work with Bobby, a bright 17 year old with his life ahead of him. He's thinking about moving out and being independent. Bobby has already been disillusioned by the church (what's new). Bobby has decided he's just gonna live a good life because he's offended by the idea of hell. And knows he can't beat it. I told Bobby that Jesus exemplified all that God is to us so that we could be assured that we can't beat hell. But that then He used his own blood to make us right with God. Bobby didn't really care. Nobody really does, it seems.

I read this article on Mother Theresa in Time Magazine. It talked about how these secret letters revealed that for the last 50 years of her life (that's half her life) she didn't feel close to God. But she was very persistent in serving the poorest of the poor till the very end. This makes me think that persistent faithfulness is more important than how we feel about it. It wasn't feeling close to God that kept her in his service. Sometimes I wonder what it was. Maybe it was the dear Lord Himself who sustained her for 50 years when she didn't even know it. It seems like it sure would make Christianity more attractive, and maybe more believable if Mother Theresa and I were a little less depressed about it, though. But if it's comparable at all, Mother Theresa had a bit more to be depressed about than I do.

The Battle to Trust

2007-09-10T20:36:00.000-07:00

To trust the Lord: is it about the most difficult thing to do sometimes? I say yes. I come up with a lot of reasons to question whether the Lord is trustworthy. Now, I know that He is. I have always known that He is. But the part of me that likes to see the proof, will take anything I think might be evidence against His good nature.

I've been pelted with this nagging feeling that I can't trust the Lord through many circumstances throughout life. But most recently one story keeps coming to my mind. As all kayakers know, you get tipped over. You just do. If you get in a kayak on whitewater for any length of time, you get tipped over. You pull your little wet skirt off and swim up out of it. Well I was in a kayak for 9 days straight this spring without going under. I thought, "evie, you're good" or just darn lucky. Or maybe I thought I had some special angelic protection around me because I deserved it because I refer to myself as a child of God. While everyone else was bumping around upside down in their little boats, I floated through the toughest of waters without a hitch..... until the day I didn't.

Just like everyone else, the rip roaring waves tossed my little boat over and there I was under the water with my 50 pound boat on top of me. Now we had all been taught the specific procedure of pulling your little lever and swimming safely up, but either the water pushed me back so I couldn't reach it, or I just plain panicked and couldn't find it. Whatever the case, I thought it was the end of little ol' me. I remember thinking, "I need air". "oh... this is it. the end" This is where I will instinctively take a breath only to gasp in a bunch of water and sputter up to heaven" Thrashing about, still unable to find the pull, my skirt popped off, and I swam up. The Lord saved my life. I was under deep water and the Lord saved my life. I was going to drown, and I wasn't saving myself. It was an obvious act of the Lord's mercy. I see that clearly until I forget it.

Days come when I wonder if God has a purpose for my life. Like today. I have a choice. 1. to believe that God put me under water, or 2. to remember that it was He who pulled me out. If He did both, He still pulled me out when I didn't have a chance otherwise.

Psalm 18:16
He sent from on high, He took me; He drew me out of many waters. He delivered me from my enemy, And from those who hated me, for they were too mighty for me. They confronted me in the day of my calamity. But the Lord was my stay. He brought me forth also into a broad place; He rescued me, because He delighted in me.

The theme of the last 10 years or so of my life story has been that the Lord is the Good One. At times I like to think of myself as the main character. But let's be realistic here. the Lord God is the one who is Good.

Discipline of Honor

2007-01-20T08:03:00.000-08:00

I am fighting the strange suspicion that I don't make good decisions in life. I think I have always thought this, but it seems to appear more frequently when I'm about to do some big crazy thing like move.

I was thinking about it this morning and about how I sometimes doubt whether God has a specific plan for my life. Scripture is kind of vague about it. Seemingly a bit impersonal. I know that God used for good what Joseph's brother's meant for harm, but it never says anywhere that God used for good what Evie messed up with all her screwy decisions. (if anyone has an answer for these thoughts I'd be happy to hear them)

But the good part is that God speaks through his word in the details when I can't find an answer to the biggies. In Malachi this morning, God said that He deserves honor. God said that He curses blessings if we don't take to heart the task of honoring his name.

After studying Malachi, my heart looks up. It is a discipline to honor the Lord when I feel confused and out of control. It is an act of submission to pray and adore him. But as I study his word, I realize that above all my confusion, He is right. He is good.
And even if He has to spell it out word for word to me, He deserves to be honored by my life.

NOLS

2007-01-13T12:30:00.000-08:00

It's about 3 weeks until I go to Wyoming in the dead of winter for my NOLS course. (That's National Outdoor Leadership School). I'm gonna go learn about winter camping and skiing. I'll get to wade through waist-deep water in caves and "jam my hands into granite crags" up some mountain wall. Sounds weird when I type it. Sounds pretty dumb really. I've wanted to take on this challenge for about a year now and am thrilled to get this chance. But I haven't really articulated reasons I'm going to do it. So here they are.

I feel less than useful to the world around me. Going through college was a great way to start off my adult-hood and give me some knowledge. But now I'm ready for a skill that I can do with my hands (and feet). Hopefully that will correlate with the spiritual lessons I've been taught. Perhaps I can open someone's eyes to the beauty and color of nature and the greater reality of its maker, Jesus Christ.

Maybe I can show someone how to be "led beside still waters" and "rest in green pastures"
Just maybe someone is without hope and the Lord could give them the breath of fresh air that they're looking for. I'm looking for a job somewhat too specific to find on my own. Some sort of wilderness therapy position, or wilderness discipleship community. You know, not too far from my family, in a beautiful wooded setting, with a great group of people. Who knows. (if anyone knows of one, tell me). The Lord knows.

Is there anyone else out there that feels like they're just unsettled, and yet could not succumb to the settled life if they tried? I feel like if I stayed put, I would curl up and rot away.

I've been training since August for this. I think I'm ready. But my heart is so sad to leave Manhattan. For the last couple days, everytime I see someone I know, I tear up because of the value of their friendship, and what I will be walking away from. You're probably all like, "what is wrong with that girl?" "She must have a cold or something". No, to be honest, my heart is breaking because I love you all so much. That's it.

So why am I leaving if I value my "family" so much. What am I doing with my life, if I adhere fully to the purpose of the church to which I belong? It's certainly nothing of a mission trip, or a ministerial calling.

Well, I don't know fully why I'm leaving. But I do know that I will be somewhere and not just "gone", so if any of you likes to write letters, please write to me.

Evie Krenzin
E22-SSR-2-02/07/2007
NOLS
P.O. Box 333
Lander, Wyoming, 82520

And pray that God would make my nervouse meanderings a blessing to someone, of use to His Kingdom, and out of love for Him who gave me a full life.

Don't Read This unless you really want to know how I'm feeling

2007-01-06T14:21:00.000-08:00

I want to post this, because this is one of the most important lessons I have learned so far. And I want people to hear this. But it will be candid. It will deal with specifics in my life. It's pretty girly and emotional.

As everyone who know me knows, my relationship with a great guy, (we'll call him Danny), ended this year. And as most breakups are, the months following have been painful and confusing, and have taught me a lot.

Looking back, I can find so many things I could have done better or different, or not at all. But it's hard to find one reason why it all ended.... other than the fact that the good Lord has the final word.

Here's the girly emotional part: You know when you hear people say, that when you have found the right person, you "just know it". Well, if anyone "just knew it", if anyone "just knew" that they had found THE ONE, I did. I felt so strongly that the Lord had matched me up with Danny. I KNEW that he was the one for me, and I was SURE that I was the one for him. It was certain.... and yet, it's over. Danny and I did not get married as we had talked about, Danny did not propose to me the way he said he would like to, and I did not wait for Danny to commit to me.

Here's the spiritual lesson I learned: So, I have been processing this for almost a year now, asking what went wrong? how can I reverse what I did, how do I let go of hopes and dreams, and most recently, how do I reconcile what I felt with what is real? And I have received answes to all these questions. (praise God)

The lesson I learned came from talking to a friend of mine. Jamie has a great girlfriend. Jamie is certain that this relationship is meant to be. He has found the one and has felt as strongly about it as I felt about Danny. But Jamie's relationship is pretty close to ending. Jamie just knows that it was meant to be, and thinks it will all be fine. For reasons that I probably shouldn't know, I know that God in his grace will not allow his relationship to continue. I know that Jamie's strong feelings do not determine his future. It doesn't matter that Jamie feels like he has secured his future with this girl, the reality is that it is simply over.

While my friendship with Danny (I believe) honored the Lord and was biblical as far as I could tell, that certain magical connection.... that very strong feeling, that certainty did not hold our relationship together.

Many verses come to mind (which I don't have references to right now :))

"A man sets his plans, but the Lord orders his steps".... "The heart is deceptive above all things".... These are verses I knew before, but am experiencing now.

I am thankful to the Lord for his mercy to guide me to places that I have not planned. Although it is hard, I am seeing the wonderful and mysterious ways that the Lord works in our lives, and a future that He has planned for me despite my meanderings through this life.
I have many friends who have tried to convert me to Calvinism (bless their little hearts). I have told them that the Lord obviously has not predetermined me to be a Calvinist.
But the mystery of how God is in control despite and through my own decisions has allowed me the freedom to trust Him more.

"Danny", if you ever stumble across this blog, thanks for the good times, and for being a huge part of the Lord's plan for my life even if it is not how I had thought.

Beware of Pachelbel Rant

2007-01-02T13:25:00.000-08:00

Okay, so my last post was handed to me by my PASTOR, just to let you know. I still think it's awesome, but if you dare to watch it, beware of the last 20 seconds, when the guy gets really angry and says some unwholesome words.

2006-12-29T14:05:00.000-08:00

Pachelbel Rant

This guy has read my mind!!!

control

2006-12-28T18:58:00.000-08:00

Mom and I were watching the movie, Instinct this week (among many other movies). It has an incredible message. It is that we are not in control. We are simply not in control. Of our lives, our environment, our jobs, our status, others... we are not in control. Okay, so maybe many of us already have that down. Another interesting fact the movie discusses is that we are not free. Now, why would I be excited about learning this? All my life, I have been trying to gain my freedom. Freedom in Christ, freedom from my parents. Freedom from addictive behaviors. And, I don't know how many people who have watched this movie, found this to be good news, but I did.

The reason, I think this is so great now, is because I understand (just today) that I will always be controlled by something, but I get to choose most of the time which priorities in life will control me. I will always be a slave to something. Although I love my job, I am controlled by it. Although I love my friends, I am a slave to them (to some extent). If I weren't,... If I did whatever I wanted to in my job or my friendships, or my daily life without the restraints that society, money, relationships, and waking up in the morning place on me, I would have none of them.

Now to translate that to something I can work on..... For the past (we'll say 7) years, I have loved finding my freedom, gaining my independence from my parents, getting a job I enjoy, taking new adventures, experiencing love. It has been great. But in the back of my mind, at some point, I always dart away for freedom, believing that at all costs, I shall not be controlled by anything. I shall not be subservient to anyone or any lifestyle, or any category. I loved what my mom called me when I was 2. "a free spirit". (ripping off my diaper and fleeing into the neighborhood)

Now that I have gained all of this freedom, (which I do not regret) I find that I have a need to "be controlled". Not because I am out of control or crazy, but because I long to deepen my relationships. Starting with my parents.

They asked me this weekend to go with them to see some of their friends, some of my old friends. I wouldn't go. I felt controlled. I didn't want to revert back into that life I had given up as "little child" of the family. Not only did this put a wall between me and my parents, I didn't get a chance to visit some good old friends. I didn't take the chance to share in the lives of my parents. And that was my loss. I could name countless circumstances I have broken away from control, and have been the loser.

Because while I have not been controlled by my parents, a career, a family w/ kids, or a household, I am controlled by the things that make my life go-round now. Singleness, intense workout schedule, packing up and moving, the people I serve at work. All still a wonderful life, but as Ethan Powell in Instinct shares with his therapist Control is an Illusion. Freedom is an illusion.

Father in Heaven, may I say with Paul, "I am controlled by the Love of Christ". May I serve Him and not my flesh. May my freedom come from service to others and May I be given wisdom as to what to serve and who to be slave to.

My Dad

2006-12-26T19:36:00.000-08:00

What a kick I have gotten out of him this Christmas! He is a living testimony to the fact that people can change. My dad use to be depressed a lot of the time. But for close to 10 years now, he has been the class clown. The storyteller. The bright spot, and the Peacemaker of the family. Nobody doesn't like to be around him, and sometimes just being with him makes you feel welcome and happy. What a blessing that we thought might never happen. Thank you Jesus.

Today we were watching Hoosiers together. While dad used to not be able to sit through a movie, he watched the whole thing, commenting on the history and culture of the 1950's, one of his favorite periods in America.

Sometimes dad will just say some silly phrase that nobody expects out of him like "I hate that guy, always wearing the same grey pants"... (about the referee on Hoosiers).

or when he hated Nacho Libre, but watched it a second time anyway, just for me.
Or how he loves to go on long walks and talk about life, with anyone that will go. Just to get to know them more. One of his favorite phrases with me has been "Quality Time"

For the unstability of depression and graduation from the school of hard knocks, My dad is one of the most creative, stable, optimistic people I know. I'd love to be like him someday.... giving instead of taking, lending others the benefit of the doubt, and loving the joy of others more than his own.

Thank you, Lord, for a father to look up to.

Questioning

2006-12-20T23:15:00.000-08:00

I usually write when I have just figured something out. Tonight I write because I am not sleeping. Because I don't understand.

I don't understand what you're doing with me. I don't get why I am still trying to bear all the weight of my mistakes.

I can't figure out why my life is taking off and yet my heart is still stuck in the same place.

Why one day I can say with confidence that there is nothing like strapping on your truth, and the next day, feel like I want to run free from it.

I'm not expecting answers. Sometimes I'm at my best when I don't have any. Thanks for hearing.

How to get what you want.

2006-12-16T21:54:00.000-08:00

I was talking with Adam and Keith today about art and poetry. One of those postmodern conversations that you have in an endless Saturday at the coffee shop. The kind of conversation that can take a million twists and turns, and end up at either nothing, or give you great insight. The latter happened to me today.

We talked about how art and poetry use to be ways to express 2 things: truth and beauty. But somewhere along the line, creating art and poetry have become the ends in themselves. Not the avenues to truth and beauty. It is no longer that people want truth and beauty, they want art and poetry, so now I sit down to create a great piece of art, or write a great piece of poetry. I am no longer looking to express truth and beauty. This is when art and poetry die. They become boring and meaningless.

When I have truth and beauty inside of me, sometimes a good weblog entry comes out of it, but never do I have a good weblog entry when I think, "man, I want to write a good weblog entry".

Have you ever looked at the big wide sky at night in the country and, out of the corner of your eye, seen one bright star? You look straight at it, because you have to see it, but the interesting phenomena happens that it appears brighter when you don't look directly at it. It's the same way with everything that is beautiful and fulfilling. They come as surprises. They come as the byproduct of something else.

Art only happens when you aren't seeking art. A great conversation only happens when you aren't thinking of how to have a great conversation. Love only happens when you aren't craving love.

But the one thing that you can seek and get is God. And the cool thing that happens is that all sorts of other beautiful things happen in your life when you seek God. Your heart changes. You begin to want God. And when you want God, and aren't in control of what you will get, you appreciate all the surprises He brings you as a byproduct of His goodness.

The Bible tells us this: Seek first the Kingdom of Heaven, and all these other things will be added to you.

So what is the answer? How do you get what you want? Simple. Change what you want. Want God. Love God for God. Know Jesus Christ. Pursue Him. Find Him. There are endless depths to His character and His love. All the art, beauty, poetry, and loves in the world do not compare to His friendship alone. And most often, we are better off without the extras to distract us from Jesus Christ.

Be God's tonight. Love Him and want Him.

Perfectly Fitted

2006-12-12T13:34:00.000-08:00

I am so excited to write about this right now! Maybe it's cuz I just had coffee. Or maybe it's because I am really happy about the topic I'm writing on.

So the song that's playing on MySpace , "Perfectly Fitted" - I just found it the other day.
It's about the "yoke" of Christ. That symbol He uses to talk about His Lordship in our lives. A "yoke" is this heavy harness thing that connects two Oxen to pull the plow in a field. (or use to before we had machinery) - anyway, You put it on oxen because it's heavy and pulls a lot of weight.

So thus transferring what Jesus is talking about, He says "Put my yoke upon you, for I am humble and gentle and you will find rest for your souls".
I have always understood what that meant, since I was little, but am experiencing it for real now.

Jesus' yoke is that thing that is Heavy and Hurts sometimes. It's that thing that controls you and binds you. Keeps you in line, from going astray, so you do what he wants you to. And when you don't have it on, you never want to put it on. It's like strapping on a heavy backpack. Or putting on heavy armor for battle. It's like putting skis on your feet, or a seatbelt on.

It's that thing you DON'T WANT TO DO. You don't want to put it on. You don't want to submitt to it....... But, it's what works. It's what controls you, or rather, what keeps you under control and protects you from yourself. It's what keeps you connected to Christ Jesus. It's what Humbles you and keeps you in line with the work of His Kingdom. It's what keeps you Loving Him. It's what lets you rest. That's what Paul is talking about when He says, "Put On Christ". That's what Paul means when he says he knows what it is to "fellowship in Christ's sufferings".

So, I am experiencing this right now in my life. Not that my life is bad... just that it's different than what I would've chosen for myself. It's me submitting to the Lordship of Jesus Christ. It's me under His yoke. Not me free and wild and out of control. I am knowing him, close to him. I have this heavy thing on me that is sometimes difficult to get on, and sometimes hard to take the next step. But it's this big heavy coat that keeps me warm. This connectedness that keeps me close to my Lord. It's this anchor of humility right next to me, telling me to calm down and lay down my rights.

And I find that because I am connected to Christ, when I take that next step that seems so hard, it's He that pulls the weight. And I fit perfectly into His Yoke.

The Yoke of Jesus Christ is what gets the job done. It's what works. When so many times before, I have crawled on the ground with a toothpick trying to pull up the ground on my own because I want to be free.

What a gift I have found in the Lordship of Jesus Christ. I have found my freedom in His Yoke.

My Space

2006-12-11T18:13:00.000-08:00

follow this link to MySpace. I would love to add you as a friend.

myspace.com/eviekrenzin

2006-12-10T11:42:00.000-08:00

What is it about another person's testimony that can at once make you see your own? Or to see another person being loved by Christ can immediately draw your attention to the fact that you are LOVED by CHRIST.

As I was reading a Rich Mullins article about the Lilies that God clothed, I became aware of this underlying error I have carried in my thinking for several years now. It is the false idea that perhaps I write my own story. That just maybe it is my choices that produce the future of my life. Or the possibility that I clothe myself, I feed myself, and I make my own bed and lay in it. At one point, I came dangerously close to believing in the Deistic worldview - the idea that God has set the world in motion like a wind-up toy, to let it run its own course, having no personal influence on the daily details of my own life.

Let me just say that if you are believing this right now and living like it, ..... well the goodness of God will perhaps lead you to a place where you will discover the riches of his care in your life....at each moment.

Now, I'm not disregarding the importance of human responsibility. Of course - do what you know you should do. And don't do what you know you shouldn't do. That too is God working in the details of your life. That too is your response to the overwhelming love of Christ

What I am referring to is the overall bitter rebellion that takes place when we think that we are alone. That God has left us to our own demise. That if I don't take charge and control my life, nobody will. That drive within you that causes you to lash out, to walk on people, to grab and clutch.

The LOVE OF CHRIST is wholely different. In the love of Jesus Christ, there is this realization that I am held. That I am guided. I am led, directed. I am FREE, I am loved. I am important to someone. All this makes it okay that I might be hungry or naked or that I may not be loved by everyone else. It is Freedom. It is security. It is grace when you find that you have sinned. It is mercy when you realize that you deserve to sleep in the bed you've made, and yet Jesus Christ is cradeling you in His.

You can give to others. You can let go of your own. You can free others. You can forgive others. You can forgive yourself. You can serve others and not yourself.

How deep is the Father's Love for us that we are called His children. Suddenly now all these verses about His personal care of us are flooding my mind and freeing me to live in His love.
Christ be with you
Live in His Love as I pray you are.

Bott Radio Network

2006-12-08T21:28:00.000-08:00

I LOVE Bott Radio Network

My Dream Job

2006-12-08T15:23:00.000-08:00

Check This Out! http://www.aslanadventures.org/

The Advent Season

2006-12-05T18:36:00.000-08:00

Let us not do with Christmas, what we have done so many years.... let us LIVE in the birth of Jesus Christ.

http://www.edow.org/spirituality/readings.html#1201

"December 4

Perhaps best understood through the metaphor of pregnancy, Advent offers us a word of hope, the possibility of birthing new life, a rekindled vision to which we might give our lives. It is not so much a penitential season focused on our unfaithfulness as it is a season of paradoxes: longing anticipation and patient watching; transforming the way we envision life and yet living prepared; waiting for what never seems to come and continuing in hopeful trust; desiring to give up control and opening ourselves to few possibilities for life. All of these are responses to God's unmerited and gracious love for us, God's implanting of life in us at the very moment in our lives when we have grown weary, and have lost hope.

Perhaps if we really took seriously these stories of Advent, life in the church would be somewhat different from what most of us know it to be. For many of us, Advent is preparation for a secular Christmas through frantic, exhausting escapist behavior. We eat too much, party too much, stay up too late. And when Christmas comes, we fall apart. We frantically decorate and clean our homes. We buy presents. By the end of Advent some have experienced what they call “Christmas joy,” but it is short-lived and lacking in depth. It is a season when the lonely tend to experience greater loneliness, the broken have their wounds opened again, the weary end up more tired, and everyone is poorer. Few experience a second coming, a rebirth of new life, and the presence of that peace, hope, healing, love, joy promised to those who need them most. If the church is to be a gift to those whose lives cry out for good news, it will need to rethink how it integrates the stories of people with its story during the Advent season. This in turn will mean reflecting more deeply on the stories of Advent and more honestly on the stories of our lives.

From “Recapturing Lost Visions: Advent” in A Pilgrim People: Learning Through the Church Year by John H. Westerhoff III. A Seabury Classic from Church Publishing. Copyright © 2005. Used by permission of Church Publishing Incorporated, New York , NY . www.churchpublishing.org"

Good Times

2006-12-02T21:44:00.000-08:00

I spent the weekend doing some things I use to do.

About every year I take a little "retreat" by myself to this great little place in the wilderness near Manhattan. Then I went with some friends tonight to a reenactment of the Christmas story. I'm taking in all the places and things that feel like home right now, knowing that in a few months, I will be far from home.

Pray for me, that in my heart I will find Home with the Lord. I'll miss this place that has been familiar for so long, but I'm excited about the challenges ahead.

I was talking with my friend, Rosanna tonight about her calm, centered spirit. She just has this great sense of calm about her. I wondered where it came from and what she does to get it. Of course she wouldn't say.... she probably doesn't even know that it's special to have. I love people like that - people that comfort others with their best qualities and don't even know it.

I'm sure the dear Lord has a place for those of us who are not quite as centered as Rosanna, but I'm still looking to make that a more prominent part of my character. By the grace of God alone, I will see it happen. Looking back on the prayers I thought God would never answer, but he has in his timing, I have only to wait, pray, and depend on His Spirit, I suppose.

Goodnight.

Thirst

2006-11-30T23:52:00.000-08:00

I just woke up from a sound sleep incredibly thirsty. I had to get some water. And it struck me. I heard a talk this week on the long-term affects of being dehydrated. It's not a pretty picture.

Do you ever "wake up" to find that it's been way too long since your soul has been quenched? Do you find that the long-term affects of quality time with the Lord are taking their toll?
Do you ever awake to find that you're all alone in this world, that no one is with you?

The Lord says draw near to him and he will draw near to you.
That He is the Living Water. That He will never leave you nor forsake you.
So, seek the Lord while He may be found. He is good for your soul. And He is waiting to be sought. To be found. To be loved, and to overwhelm you with His love.

It's dark morning now and I need sleep, but I think I will draw near to Jesus first.
Jesus' peace to you.

The Babes

2006-11-30T16:55:00.001-08:00

Free

2006-11-27T18:49:00.000-08:00

So, I just happened to think about the rich young ruler and why he couldn't follow Jesus. Of course it was because he had so much money and that he idolized it, but on a deeper level, it was because his money and his possessions tied him down so that he was unable to be available for the service of Christ. He told the young man to sell all his possessions and give his money to the poor. But that was not the end of it. He told the man to follow Him. It was not the act of selling his possessions that made him fit for Jesus' service. It was the fact that he would've been free to serve Jesus then.

This makes me think about where I am now. I am always free of possessions. I don't like possessions. I have to take care of them. I'd rather be with as few possessions as possible. But something hinders me from being free to do the service of Jesus.

I see this, Lord. Oh free me from my mentality, and allow me to serve you joyfully with complete surrender.

Your's Truly

2006-11-25T05:59:00.000-08:00

Dear Father, Thank you for hearing my prayers, and for answering me in that still small assuring voice. You always come through in spite of my temper tantrums. Oh that I would trust you and wait through the hard times with grace and patience. Do this work in me, I pray.
Today and yesterday have been great days. You have set in me a hope for my future in your kingdom. I have a place with you for all eternity. I have been given all good things, and an assurance that you hold me in your hand, and have not forsaken me.
I went running today. It was rough. It has been rough the last two times. Nevertheless, I have been given the motivation to plow ahead to 45 minutes today. It was a beautiful run on the linear trail. The warm weather for November was great for running. The leafy trail and the birds above head gave me a beautiful setting to run in. Your creation. I love exploring. When we were little, we used to go exploring with dad. He would take us on walks or down hallways, or wherever we could find to go, and we would explore it. I think that need for exploration will always be with me in my heart.
I want to explore you oh God. I heard C.S. Lewis say that he thought in heaven, we would be exploring the depths of God for all eternity. How mysterious and incredible. I cannot wait. I start now again today. The depths of God. The sheer awe of your character. The true meaning of love. I live within your heart, Christ, and ask for the path to explore you this year. I love you, and I want nothing more, and nothing less. Let my desires be set in your heart and nowhere else.